The trouble with night shift is that you have a crazy schedule. Now, I've been doing night shift for eight years now. Pretty crazy, huh? I read somewhere that being on the night shift is actually bad for your health. I guess I should have paid attention more attention to it- but I didn't.
So, one of the flip sides of being on night shift is that the "night life" is actually like day time for me. Now, in some circumstances, that would have been ideal. That was so six years ago for me. No longer is it fun to have all the energy to spend on a night out in town, it's working against me.
Take my relationship with Jason for example. Now, before I continue, let me clarify that Jason and I are not in a relationship. I'm just a girl he likes to hang out with on the weekends because I'm available and convenient. What this means is that he likes to look at me, be around me, without any strings attached. Except for the occasional movie tickets, food, I don't ask for anything else. Sometimes, I even offer to pay for those. So- moving on... My weekend off begins on Friday night. Jason works Monday through Friday on normal people schedule. After that, he likes to hang out at a cigar bar, and then maybe hang out with me. Sometimes, we see a movie- he loves to go to the drive-in. Sometimes, he falls asleep on the second movie. Then, we head back to his place. He would turn the tv on, and a few minutes later, he would doze off on the couch. Now, imagine me on the other end of the couch trying to watch tv while he's right there snoring. There are times when I would go to bed and close my eyes until I fell asleep. There were times when I changed back from sleeping clothes to "driving back home" clothes. Then I would wake Jason up and dramatically say, "I'm leaving..." He would wake up tentatively and grab me by my wrist, tell me to drop my overnight bag and change back to my sleeping clothes. On the two occasions that I did that, I did exactly what he said.
So what is the lesson here guys? What does it mean for me? You know to me, it's like making me sleep through the afternoon. That's exactly what it is to me. Unfair huh? But what can I do, I'm a night shift person living in a day shift world. I'm sure someone has a better sob story than me.
Earlier this week, Jason and I talked about going to the movies this weekend. I told him I wanted to do something other than see the movies. I had this grand scheme- well, grand for me anyway. I decided to play dress up one morning, and I realized I have several cute outfits I want to wear. Summer is almost over, and I would hate to miss out on wearing sexy clothes. So, I asked Jason if he wanted to go out somewhere where I can wear these outfits. I am not gonna have this body forever. He said he was up for it. Now, let's talk about tonight. It's another Friday night. I decided not to press Jason on seeing me, and he didn't even mention or say anything. So here I am spending my Friday watching movies on demand. What happened to going out this weekend? I don't know. Well, Jason is doing his usual Friday night at the cigar bar. At two in the morning he sent me a text message, like I'm some booty call. Am I still tired? What am I doing? Watching a movie? Which movie. So I cut to the chase and I said, I guess we'll hang out tomorrow huh? He said, "uhm, I'm doing a couple of things tomorrow... we'll see..." Oh, did I say we talked? I really meant we sent each other text messages. I'm not really worth the call on the phone, huh? So it wasn't even like a booty call. It was like booty text, that's even worse.
Now, here I am, blogging at 4 in the morning. I can't really blame Jason on this, I put myself in this situation. I wanted to be on night shift, so I am. I decided to play tough, so I never confronted Jason about our nonexistent relationship. What is wrong with me? I am pretty, I am single, I have a nice body, I don't have any STDs. I brush my teeth, I take showers everyday. I am fashionable, men ask men out all the time. Even my ex husband still gets turned on whenever he sees me. Yet, why do I choose to be alone on a Friday night simply because Jason has other plans that didn't include me? I am better than this, and I deserve more. I am independent, I pay my own rent, buy my own food, I can even please myself if I wanted to. I don't need Jason. He's 12 years older than me! I shouldn't waste my youth and beauty over a relationship that isn't and never will.
I think I just had my "aha" moment. Good night folks. To all you friends and lovers- alone or together, all my other single ladies out there- keep the faith.
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